Menopause isn’t just about hot flashes and mood shifts — it’s a full-body transformation that can shake up daily life, sleep schedules, and even relationships. And if you’re in a same-sex partnership, menopause can bring a unique set of experiences, especially if both partners are traversing this life stage together.
While menopause is universal for those born with female reproductive organs, the way it unfolds within same-sex relationships can be distinct. From managing symptoms at the same time to finding LGBTQ+-inclusive healthcare, here’s what to know about experiencing menopause as a couple.
Double Menopause Dilemma
If both partners are experiencing menopause at the same time, you might find yourselves in a tag team of night sweats, disrupted sleep, and sudden emotional shifts. The bright side? A shared experience means mutual understanding — no need to explain why the AC is suddenly on full blast in the middle of winter. However, it can also double the challenges, making patience and empathy essential.
On the other hand, if only one partner is going through menopause, it can feel like an emotional and physical divide. Menopause symptoms don’t just affect the person experiencing them — they can impact the relationship as a whole. The non-menopausal partner may struggle to understand the intensity of the symptoms, which can lead to feelings of frustration on both sides. Research shows that menopause-related distress can negatively impact relationship satisfaction, making open communication and extra compassion essential for keeping up a solid bond.
Hot Flashes, Mood Shifts, and Relationship Status
You might already know that nearly 75% of menopausal individuals experience hot flashes, and about 30% of those people report severe symptoms that disrupt sleep. Night sweats and other sleep disturbances can leave both partners exhausted and irritable. On top of that, vaginal dryness — affecting a majority of postmenopausal individuals — can alter sexual intimacy and satisfaction.
The good news? There are plenty of ways to adapt. Cooling pillows and breathable, natural fiber sheets can help with temperature fluxes. Mood shifts can be managed through mindfulness, regular exercise, dietary adjustments, a good dose of humor, and sometimes therapy. When it comes to intimacy, honest discussions about solutions are essential — whether that means exploring new forms of connection, considering vaginal estrogen therapy, or discovering options like lubricants and moisturizers. It's important to explore new ways to connect emotionally and physically, finding approaches that work for both partners.
Psychological and Emotional Impact
Sometimes menopause can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, and for those in same-sex relationships, added stressors — like societal stigma or gaps in healthcare — can make the ride even bumpier. A lack of affirming support can lead to feelings of isolation and anxiety, making mood shifts feel even more intense. Talking about emotional experiences helps couples navigate this transition together, fostering understanding and support when it’s needed most.
Strengthening Your Connection Through Menopause
Communication is the most crucial thing for partnerships during this transition, especially if both parties are navigating menopause at the same time. And menopause isn’t just about managing symptoms — it’s also an opportunity to deepen your bond as a couple. Here’s how:
Talk it out. Make a point to talk about symptoms and how you’re feeling, what’s changing, and what support you need.
Be open. Honest communication can help create a strategy for supporting each other, whether through shared activities, exercise, or seeking professional help.
Find LGBTQ+-affirming healthcare. A provider who understands your unique needs can make all the difference.
Adapt intimacy. Various forms of intimacy may help maintain the bond during this time. Explore new ways to maintain closeness, whether through non-sexual touch like cuddling or massage, open discussions about needs, or new approaches to intimacy.
Support each other. Whether it’s reminding your partner to take their supplements, adjusting the thermostat without complaint, or just being an understanding presence, small actions make a big impact.
The Healthcare Gap: Finding Inclusive Support
When it comes down to it, LGBTQ+ individuals are often left out of the menopause conversation — and research. Studies show that older LGBTQ+ adults often have more health issues, making menopause even trickier to manage.
Menopause treatments — like hormone replacement therapy (HRT) — are commonly recommended and can be a game-changer, but accessing care isn’t always straightforward for those in the queer community. Studies suggest that lesbian women, as well as non-binary and trans individuals, are less likely to seek medical care due to past discrimination or a lack of provider knowledge. In one survey, nearly 56% of LGBTQ+ people admitted to skipping doctor visits out of fear of bias. This gap in care means fewer resources, less guidance on HRT, and limited support for non-hormonal options.
On top of that, higher rates of stress, anxiety, smoking, and substance use in the LGBTQ+ community can make menopause symptoms hit harder. While awareness is growing, there’s still a long way to go. More research — and better healthcare — are needed to ensure everyone gets the support they deserve during this transition.
If you’re an LGBTQ+ individual seeking menopause care, there are a variety of resources available, including medical directories and advocacy organizations like the National LGBTQIA+ Health Education Center. These organizations provide valuable tools for finding healthcare providers who understand and respect the unique needs of LGBTQ+ patients.
At Winona, we focus on compassionate, inclusive care for all individuals experiencing menopause. Regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation, anyone born with a uterus and ovaries is evaluated and treated for menopause-related concerns with the same care and respect as every other patient. It’s important to note that we provide treatment for the menopause transition only — individuals seeking or undergoing gender transition via hormone therapy are ineligible for treatment through our platform.
Looking Ahead
While research on menopause within the LGBTQ+ community is still limited, awareness is growing. More studies are needed to better understand how menopause affects same-sex couples and to advocate for more inclusive healthcare options.
In the meantime, navigating menopause together can be a challenge, but it’s also a chance to strengthen your relationship. With open communication, mutual support, and the right resources, you and your partner can weather this transition — hot flashes and all — with grace (and maybe a few extra fans).
